Our sweet, kind, smart, confident, sensitive TJ turned three years old last weekend, and I can truly hardly believe it. On one hand, it feels like the past three years have flown by, but on the other, it’s nearly impossible to remember life before TJ. I definitely have a lot left to learn, but I thought I would sum up the three most important lesson I’ve learned and continue to learn over the past three years.
- “The baby didn’t read the book”
My Grandma has told me this forever. When a new parent, or experienced parent for that matter, starts a sentence with “well, the book says…”, she’s eager to point out that the baby did not, in fact, read the same book. This is a clever way of reminding us that no two babies are the same and best laid plans don’t always work out. This is something I really struggled with in the early postpartum months with TJ. I had a million plans for how things were going to go and what kind of mother I would be. After an unscheduled emergency c-section and breastfeeding challenges derailed my earliest plans, I felt a little lost. I felt like not matter how hard I tried or how well I planned, I wasn’t in control of anything, and that was hard for me. I have worked through a lot of these feelings over the past three years, especially since Jacob joined our family, and it really is true – the baby didn’t read the book….and neither did the toddler.
- You can take all advice into account, but you don’t have to take any advice to heart.
Again, this is something I have been working on and continue to work on every day. It is important to me that the people who are meaningful in my life think I am doing a good job with my boys and my family, and, because of that, I tend to take a lot of advice and opinions really personally. While I truly value the advice of women I admire, I have learned that I don’t have to agree with, or even try, every piece of advice I’m offered. What works for one person in a similar situation may not work well for someone else, and that’s ok. There is, unfortunately, judgement around so many aspects of motherhood – sleep training, breastfeeding, introducing solid food, co-sleeping, how we dress our children, when they walk, when they talk – it can be hard to focus on the well-intentioned words of wisdom. I can still get wrapped up in feeling judged sometimes, but I try to remember to file all the advice away in a sort of rolodex to reference if I ever need it. - Sometimes, you have to let them go up the slide.
This has, by far, been the biggest learning curve for me. I’m Type A by nature, and have always been a rule-follower. I like when things are predictable and, it turns out, babies and toddlers aren’t that predictable. As much as I try to lead by example and teach them along the way, I’m learning that sometimes they need to figure it out for themselves, and sometimes that means going up the slide.
I certainly don’t have it all figured out and I’m learning as I go, but this journey I’m on is a beautiful one and I’m so grateful to watch these little boys of mine grow and learn everyday.
xo,
Stephanie
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